Terrible Lunch Policy

I'm tired of ignoring this. I took the school's name out to avoid embarrassment of those who are affected by this shame. I do know many other schools are now doing this "Cold Cheese Sandwich" policy aka "the Alternate Lunch" for students who can't pay their lunch bills. I owed over $30 because my family consists of my dad and I.
My single father tried his best to be able to provide lunch money for me so I could have a hot school lunch. Well guess what? with the rising costs of absolutely everything, he wasn't able to continue to do so.
I had two choices. Take the cold cheese sandwich or go hungry.
Most of the time, I had to go hungry because I was too ashamed to eat the sandwich. In fact, I skipped lunch and went to the library to avoid the looks and jeers from my fellow peers.
Despite my dad being a single working person, he had too much pride to apply for financial assistance so in turn, I was the one who had to suffer.
I had to have the cold cheese sandwiches. The school did offer plain peanut butter sandwiches, but there are so many students like myself, who have allergies to peanut butter (I can't digest it and it gives me acid so bad that I throw up).

I'm pretty sure that there is a new lunch policy under "No Child Hungry" and they're supposed to provide alternate lunches of meat, vegetables, fruit and milk. Am I incorrect?

You know what is mortifying? THIS pathetic excuse for a lunch. I'm tired of people commenting and saying, "just pay your bill. We all have to." you know what? what if we have a parent who makes way less than $30K a year? then what? I have a job after school for a couple hours so I can try to get myself a better lunch than a cold cheese sandwich.

And once, I've had to return my hot lunch on my tray! yes! I had to give it back! do you realize how completely embarrassing that was?? I wanted to hide under the lunch table!!
I had to return the tray and was given a cold cheese sandwich, a small apple, and a carton of milk (which I can't drink milk either).

I wasn't able to be a part of the breakfast program in the mornings before school either due to my father's pride. So I had a slice of plain toast and a cup of plain coffee every single day before school. Sometimes I would have a banana too but that was it.
It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about all these students everywhere that all they get to eat for lunch is a cold cheese sandwich (no ham), or peanut butter (no jelly).
We deserve better. A lot better.
This photo shows what we get for lunch.
I edited her last name and photo to avoid embarrassment.

So Tired

I'm so tired today zzz
I had to get up early super early bc I had an appointment early this morning. I didn't sleep so well last night.
I envy the people who can nap in the daytime. I can't get a nap in the day because I wake up with really bad anxiety. Every time.
I really wanted some chocolates...I hoped to get to Walmart to get some discounted candy but I haven't been able to. :/

Hmmm

Whoever was into my account today, please don't. I use this blog as an outlet to release emotions and so on. I had to verify my identity again, the second time in the past two weeks. So please let it be.

Anyways, it's snowing terribly outside and I don't know if I'll be able to make it to work tonight or not. Channel 4 said the storm isn't letting up. :/

Social Media Harassment

I really hate it that social media makes it really easy for others to harass and pester others. I was harassed on Facebook by someone who I thought was a friend. I had to end up and block him and hope he leaves me alone.
I'm shaking really bad and I have to leave for work in about 10 minutes. . .
He knows I have an anxiety disorder and can't handle stress that well, yet it didn't stop him.

Please everyone, use social media only for good. Not to be harassing other people. I mean, you don't know what they're going through. Everyone has their own struggles and battles to fight every day. Don't add to it, okay?

I'm literally sick to my stomach and I don't feel good. I feel like I'm getting the diarrhea.

Well, I have to get my lunch together for work and then I'll be back later.
I can't wait to chat to Ivan and Jason tonight, I need it.
I got to talk to Angel for a few minutes but not very long.. I didn't hear from Skyler today or anything.

Gotta run. Have a good day everyone. I'll be back tonight to blog about stuff.

Bye xx

Real Wishes

Please check out this site called "Real Wishes" it's cool. You submit a wish, follow the instructions and your wish will come true! but you can't tell anyone what it is though! until it comes true :)
Try it out!!

www.real-wishes.com

BasketsFX

Baskets is literally so funny, I can't even XD
Basket's mom said this, "You know, I'll pull over and spank you! How would you like THAT on Easter Sunday?" lmfao
Baskets got flipped off in church bc he tried to get his mom's attention in church and he was being disruptive. lmfao

Louie Anderson plays Zack Galifinakis' mom on Baskets XD it's hilarious I mean really it is!
Baskets needs to be on Netflix, just saying!

I need $40 for HBO
and you are not a "cloon"
XD

Gifts

So I sent my good friend Te' some candy and a chocolate rose and a card for Valentine's Day.
I sent Nova kind of the same thing and they both surprised me with some candy and a card.
It was really sweet of them! although I wish they hadn't of spent money on me. ;o;
oh and my other friend gave me a chocolate heart!
omg my other friend just texted me right now and said he has a gift for me.
My friends are the best, they really are. I'm so blessed and lucky for them.


I drank a half cup of coffee and now I have acid really bad. Can't drink coffee anymore! it's sad.

Earlier today I jumped on Katie's lap and she didn't like it XDDD

ummm I talked to Skyler this morning and she was like, "wot? im shleeping, go on mate" XD not really but she said she was tired and was kind of half out of it when she was talking to me. haha
speaking of her she just texted me right now and said she got discs for Skyrim and now she can build her own house :3
I used to be an adventurer like you until I took an arrow to the knee XD lmao
she said "omg I got Skyrim discs ^~^ I can now build meh own house"
isn't that the cutest? omg c:

Mad At Me :(

So yeah, my gf is mad at me. ;o; we aren't official or anything, but yeah.
She's mad at me because I can't stay the night at her house and she said I'm being inconsiderate.
Her bed hurts my back really bad T.T She stays at my house a lot though, so I don't know what the problem is...you know? I mean, every time I go grocery shopping, I always buy her stuff she wants and leave it at my house and I don't touch it.
She likes Fruit Loops and nobody else can touch them except for her. I buy things for her that I really don't have the money for, but I do it because it makes her happy.

I mean, I do buy her stuff when I can.. last night we went out for dinner, and I bought her food. And I bought her lunch (plus I order for her bc she gets too nervous to do it herself) and I bought her candy and flowers, and I left her a long message for her to read when she wakes up.

The last few days she was like, "oh I don't mind buying you things bc you deserve it" now she's like "I gave you something now do what I want" like, no.. and she keeps telling me that she spent all her money on me. No she spent $25 on me, and I spent $110 on her this weekend.
So she's mad I can't stay the night. I really can't! I work two jobs and tomorrow I have my double shift and I need a good nights sleep. Her bed kills my back and my physical labor job hurts my back too.
I feel bad that she's mad at me. And she texted me and said "don't bother bc I don't care"

It's not just me. I'm not selfish or self-centered. I'm really not.
I play video games with her usually till 1 in the morning and I'm tired.
I don't even mind when she gets me an assortment of chocolates and eats all the good ones and makes me eat the crap ones left over. I never say anything, you know?
Like, she took a bite of one and it was strawberry and she said "eww it's strawberry! here, you eat this one" and put it back and took a different one.

She just wants to spend time with me a lot, and I want to make her happy. I don't like it when she's mad at me or upset.

Lots of Stuff

Hello internet world, guess who's back? yup it's meee!
okay I'm like loling because ah, you know. Um...
So I went to Tim Hortons..the coffee shop with my friends Erika & Chelsea and we talked for a bit then they had to go.
Then I went and got my taxes done, then Walmart and spend my hard-earned money and then went to church.
Speaking of church, I was watching Baskets on FX and lol Baskets was interrupting church bc his mom's car was gonna get towed & he got flipped off XD haha
I need $40 for HBO. XDDDD

I'm always looking for funny things to keep my mind off of my anxiety and depression. That's the reason I blog and write things and so on.

I talked to my bestie Skyler and Angel on FB today and that was fun. I have a crush on Jason but I don't think I have a snowball's change in Hell that he would fall for me, but I can't get down on myself about it..you know? I have to be positive. I spent a lot of time talking to him and my friends so everything is okay. I'm just afraid to trust someone with my heart again, I'm so afraid to get hurt over and over again.
I'm not going with my friend Andy to get coffee tomorrow because well...it feels too much like a date and I feel very uncomfortable about it. So instead, I volunteered at my great uncle's nursing home for the Valentine's Day Party. It's nice, the residents get Sugar Free cookies and punch. I believe there is going to be music too. Next Friday is going to be some guy playing polka music at 6pm but I have to work..so I wanted to go with my great uncle but that won't be happening.
Can only do what I can, right?

Rejection & Life

It really sucks when you really like your friend and you've asked him out twice but he keeps saying he's not ready to date...but then dates your friend. Yeah...that really sucks.
I shouldn't let it get to me but for some reason I do.
Eh..

I'm feeling very tired and run down as usual. This cold certainly isn't helping anything.
It's a white-out outside due to the snow storms and crap. Driving to work is going to be a joy :x not.
This Saturday it's supposed to be only 1 degree for temperature. It's way tooo cold!

Well this entry is going to be short because I'm feeling really sick and tired. I'm going to have some lunch and lay down before work. Have a nice day everyone.

Ugh

I really don't feel like going to work today.. I'm so sick, and I never miss work..but I really need the rest. Hopefully the work day goes by fast. What do you do when you're sick?
I have some water and just had some lunch, but I'm still not feeling better.

Yesterday I took a half of a peanut butter sandwich and apple sauce with me to work. I split up the food during my work time and took small breaks. I noticed that it really helps to eat small meals through the day to keep my body stable.

I really hate pricking my fingers to get my blood tested. I tried on setting 2 and it barely produced any blood to test on the strip. I had to go to setting 5 and then suffer getting pricked again.
I was taking a break in the conference room and my co-worker texts me something stupid about not having supplies for her place she's cleaning. Well what did she want me to do about it? I can't do anything. It's like she doesn't have a brain and can't think for herself.
I replied back that I was getting my blood sugar tested and I couldn't go get her any. You know, if I needed supplies, I had to go get it myself!
One time, I asked her to please bring me something that I forgot that day (and she was in the same building) and she texted me back and said "Can't you just get it?" well thanks a lot. -_-
She does a really half-cracked job anyways.

Everyone takes advantage of me and I'm sick of it. I'm not a doormat. So when I speak up for myself, I get in more trouble. It makes no sense really. :/ but she won't be around much longer as per what the boss said. So what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Eh..

I still have a bit of time before work so I'm going to relax and try not to be stressed out.

Sick :( and other things

Guess what time of year it still is? that's right, cold and flu season.
I have a nasty cold and that's not good! I work two jobs and can't afford to be sick. I hope everyone who is feeling sick gets well soon.

My co-worker decided to only work a couple hours yesterday, but put down that she worked more on the sign-in sheet. That is stealing from the company. I couldn't be dishonest about things, especially faking my hours at work. If I don't earn honest money, I don't want it. People don't think that faking hours at work is stealing. Well yes it is, it's stealing from the company! You have to have more dignity and morals than that.
I think she's pretty much on her way out anyways. I'm honestly surprised the boss puts up with it, he even knows!

Anyways, on a funny note! Some kid called my cellphone  this morning at 3 am and called me a "cawk sucker" (censored). It wasn't funny this morning, being jolted away from sleeping with a phone call like that. I was really sick and needed the sleep and that happens.
But now I suppose I need to laugh at it. It's all I can do, right? It came up from an unknown number with a strange area code that I didn't recognize.

I remember a couple years ago, the house phone rang and I answered it. It sounded like a man in his 50's and his first words were "who the hell is this? what are you doing in my house?!" and I replied, "Who are you?? I live here!" and he swore at me and hung up. Lol okay.

Hmmm, what else should I talk about? :p

Oh, Happy National Pizza Day!! :) *insert yummy pizza emoji here*

I can't remember what else I was going to say. Oh don't worry, I always find something to say. :p

Netflix Suggestions?

So I've been using my friend's Netflix account and I'm curious about some good stuff to watch.
I can't stand "Orange Is The New Black" so not that suggestion lol.
I watched an old series that I watched with my grandma and grandpa when I was a kid. It's called "Keeping Up Appearances" and when I was younger, I didn't understand why it was so funny. I do now though! and I rather enjoy it. Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced Bouquet) is very comical as the rest of them. It's a British comedy so if you want something different to watch, that's pretty good.

I've already seen House up to season 4, and Pretty Little Liars up to season 5 (on Netflix, not counting TV). I watched the movie Stonehearst Asylum which was pretty good (despite the reviews). Gothika wasn't too bad, but it wasn't the best. Halle Berry plays a good part and keeps you wondering what happens next.
I saw Time Lapse, that wasn't bad (despite the reviews) lol. I wanted to see what happened.

Some of my friends like to watch "Once Upon A Time" but I'm not sure I really want to watch some fantasy stories. Is it any good? I was thinking about it, but not completely sold on it.

I watched "Living On One Dollar" which was a very good documentary. I strongly suggest that you check it out. As well as "On The Way To School". Both were very good and shows you how good we in the United States have it. I know it could always be worse, and I'm certainly not rich by any means, but I can go to the tap and turn it on, and out comes fresh water. People in developing countries don't have that luxury that we do.

I'm in the mood for a good movie. I like horror movies, but the selection on Netflix isn't very good. I hate Hulu because the commercials are so darn long! even if you pay for it, you still get ads, and long ones at that. No thanks Hulu! I'm not sold!

I guess I'll browse through the categories and see if anything strikes my fancy. Any suggestions are welcome! :)

Zoloft side-effects?

On a more serious note, I wanted to make a post about the anti-depressant, Zoloft. Have any of you tried it? I've been on it for about three weeks now. For the most part, it's helped my depression but it wasn't enough. So I was put on Buspirone 5mg it's sort of a "helper pill" to help the seratonin. Anyways, my blood sugar has been dropping quickly and..it's become a serious problem.
With my jobs, I can't afford to be sick or miss work! I don't know what to do!

So I had to get more blood work taken to find out exactly what's going on with me. Before I started taking Zoloft, I took Paxil and it helped me for years. Paxil helped with my anxiety, but not with my depression. It makes me anxious thinking about it as a matter of fact.

I want to share something with you, dear readers. When I had my first panic attack, my nerves were terrible! I was rushed to the ER because people didn't know what was wrong with me. And my dad doesn't approve of counseling or anything of the sort, and neither does my grandma! I became very agoraphobic (meaning afraid to leave the house) and even going to the mailbox outside was very scary! My heart was racing faster than I can even describe! I don't wish that on anyone, I really don't.
Well, I was agoraphobic in 2008 and I was starting college.. I couldn't leave home to drive the 30 mins to the university even.. it felt like it was a big operation!
But you know what? I didn't have ANY support, none at all. So it was up to me to make the changes I need to so I could live a better life.

I was seeing the counselor in college (without my parents knowing) and it helped. I was put on Lexapro at first and had terrible side effects! I was sweating profusely, racing mind, racing heart, no sleep, and I was wired! it was awful! I was put on Ativan and getting off that was almost like I was dying! the side-effects were so bad that I was throwing up with a terrible migraine for almost 4 days!
I went to the hospital (eventually when my dad caved in) and the doctor in the emergency room treated me like absolute crap..

Anyways, long story short, I am now on Zoloft and having problems keeping my blood sugar at a normal level. I'm scared because I don't have a working glucose meter and who knows what else is wrong with me? I'm wondering if Zoloft 150mg and Buspirone 5mg together makes you have low blood sugar..some medications can even cause diabetes! (don't get freaked out by this!)

**One thing that I've learned was DO NOT GOOGLE YOUR SYMPTOMS! because it can only make matters worse! example: If someone looked up pain in the arm, it makes you think you have the worst thing imaginable! Someone on Twitter posted "It's lucky I'm not a Hypochondriac or something. Just googled some symptoms and I've been  diagnosed  myself with epilepsy."
Here's another one that was something to chuckle about, "The older I get the more  I can't tell if my body is falling apart or I'm becoming a hypochondriac."

My point is, don't go googling symptoms because it will scare the crap out of you! trust me, I've learned it the hard way!
I hope this blog post can help people..I overcame Agoraphobia all by myself with no support, not even from my family! I did it, and anyone else who is suffering from that or anxiety/depression, you can do it! I'll be here as best that I can. Feel free to comment on my posts if you want.

Chatty Today

Wow, I'm really chatty today! Not sure why either!
If any of you out there have a blogger account, why not comment me? If you have a view on something you would like discussed, my opinion on, anything! let me know :) so I have something else to chat about! how does that sound?

Hm, wonder if I have anything cool to show you guys in my pictures. *searches for something* Oh here's some bonbons gif I found online! I didn't make it! I believe the credit goes to...Chibiville :)

Oh I did find some of my old pictures from ages ago. I took a picture of a candle because it looked cool. I'll show you just for the heck of it. Speaking of that, my dad used to tell this joke about working at the fish market and singing for the "halibut" (hell of it). Hahaha yeah.

You know, maybe I'll make a post about photos I took or something. Hey, it might even give you some stress-relief! right??

Killer Post & Web of Lies

So I just got into this new series called "Killer Post" and it sure is crazy! People killing each other all over some posts they made on Facebook and social media. The one I saw today was teenagers fighting over a girl. I mean seriously? There is plenty of fish in the sea! There's absolutely no need to kill someone over another person, or anything. I can't even describe it!

I really like Web of Lies better. Much better. My only complaint about that show is the new narrator. They shouldn't have replaced Nathan Wiley with some woman. People on Twitter were really pissed about it, haha. I can't stand the new narrator at all! Wiley had that perfect voice and he made the whole thing more interesting. He has that voice that just draws you in! Hey Investigation Discovery, bring back Nathan Wiley! If you're a fan of the show, and want Nathan Wiley back, go on Twitter and tweet to +Discovery and tell them you want Wiley back! @NWiley101 on Twitter :)

Update

Sorry for the delay in updating! I started my second job and it was overwhelming at first! I was whipped! I worked 5 & 1/2 hours and only took a 5 minute break. I really should take longer breaks, I'm allowed to! but you know, I just like getting work done and over with..and done well!

I was exhausted! then I went to my other job and worked my usual hours and came home. I was way too tired to get on the computer or anything. I went to bed early. Then I had to fast because I was getting blood work done again. I had to get checked for everything, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, lipids, diabetes.. but it's better to get it done and out of the way.

My back is sore today but I did some laundry and helped my aunt out with some stuff for her classroom. I don't have any energy today really..not sure why; but my guess is, I'm just whipped from work. I have to work two jobs so I can afford things lol.

I was washing the windows at my new job and they were thrilled. They acted like it was the best thing in the world. I do it at my other job too, it's nothing special! but I do more than just the bare minimum. I can't say that for most of the people who have jobs.

I watched The Kitten Bowl 3 today and it was really super adorable! I love kittens :) It gave me a big smile. Mr Slippers took a nap on the field today and it was cute, haha. I'm glad they had The Kitten Bowl. The Puppy Bowl is another good cause! It helps get animals in need of a home to get adopted! Adopt a furry friend today :) and don't forget to get your pets spayed and neutered! (I'm very animal and environmentally friendly!)

I noticed that when I type things here, I don't really keep the subjects all together. Stuff comes out randomly, so bear with me!
I'm not sure who really reads my blog yet, but I hope it gives you something to do lol!

I bought a White Noise Machine on Ebay for $16. It's nice and small, perfect for my dresser. I need the white noise so I can sleep. I can't stand the cars and noise outside. For some reason, I can't sleep in complete silence. I did in Italy though! but it sure was different lol.

Sanford and Son is on TV right now and I'm laughing while typing this. Sanford and Son bought some "hot copper" haha. I really wish they would show the episode where Fred and Lamont were helping this rich guy move a piano. It was hilarious in that one because every time Lamont would sit down, the guy would come out and see Fred pushing the piano (seeing Lamont slacking and making his Pop do all the work).

Well, not really sure what else to say at the moment. Still waiting on results from the thyroid test, and now more blood work. Wish they would get the results already. I've been waiting more than two weeks for the results of the first test! Playing the Waiting Game isn't fun.

Dealing With It

Learning to deal with Hypoglycemia isn't fun. I am still in the process of learning what foods to eat, and what foods to avoid. It would be easier if I had a support system to help share tips and ideas with.. but anyways, let's get down to it.

Whether you're at work, home, school, the grocery store, traffic, whatever! Your blood sugar can drop any time!  and you start to feel lightheaded, nauseated, being sweating profusely, your whole body feels weak, and your legs are numb/trembling...yeah you get the idea. It's not fun! so what to do you do?

My advice is to always be prepared as best you can! Like if you are a student, or go to work, or both! Be sure to have a snack and lunch with you (fast food places are out!)
I usually have a bologna sandwich with mustard for lunch, a cheese stick and a piece of fruit (apple, pear or orange). Instead of eating it all at once, I eat the sandwich first, then I save the rest for later, usually a couple hours later.

I took unsweetened apple sauce and a sugar free jello with me to work--and I needed it! I also was given some unsalted peanuts from a co-worker. Peanuts are great to take with you because it's a quick snack on the go! I always bring a bottle of water with me, or Powerade (not zero). Now, if you're allergic to peanuts or any type of nut, then find a different snack that works for you! like a granola bar! (which are very tasty, I might add!)

The reason why I didn't mention breakfast first is because it's different for everyone. If you're like me, you hate eating breakfast simply because you just don't feel like it. It's understandable, right? What I do is have 1 Carnation Instant Breakfast (the mix) and a half of a banana, then have a slice of wheat bread/or toast (1 slice) with peanut butter.
Yes, yes, it's very important to eat breakfast but sometimes I just don't feel like it. But skipping meals is a big no no! I'm sure you know that already.

If you're Diabetic or Hypoglycemic, a good idea is to buy a medical ID bracelet. I am going to buy myself one soon. It's very important to have one just incase of an emergency! When I had my very first blood sugar drop, I was at work, and nobody knew what was wrong with me. If I had one of those medical bracelets, I could have gotten help sooner! It's better safe than sorry! I know it's embarrassing to have to wear one, but you know what? It just may save your life!

Hypoglycemia Problems

Hello to everyone out there, I'm Starlina thanks for checking out my blog.
I am 26 years old, and suffer from Hypoglycemia. It has become increasingly worse the past few months. I don't have many friends who understand what I'm going through..so I hope my blog helps others out there. Please keep in mind that my blog isn't a substitute for going to your actual doctor! just had to throw that out there. My blog will be--well, my blog! not just my Hypoglycemia problems!

My blood sugar dropped for the third time today, a few minutes ago. I just had a slice of wheat toast with peanut butter and a half cup of orange juice. All of a sudden I got lightheaded and it wouldn't go away, I started sweating profusely and had to lay down (does this sound familiar?) Well I didn't have a snack with me and it was my 4th hour of working, my physical labor job! My body needed food, sugar, but I didn't have anything. Thankfully a co-worker had a Nutty Buddy and gave it to me along with some water. I was able to finally collect myself about 45 minutes later. It's a terrible feeling and I wish nobody had to deal with this!

I'm hoping to feel better as soon as possible. Especially since I start my second new job tomorrow. Thankfully the boss knows my family quite well and they will understand if I need a break at work. However, I'm still nervous--and rightfully so! I'll tell you guys all about it tomorrow.