so um

i actually came here to close my blog down but i decided to keep it.
i just wont be updating everyday anymore or multiple times a day. theres no real reason for it besides me bitching the whole time.


so ive been spending a little time with an online friend and we watch netflix together. thankfully she lets me use hers because paddy used to let me use his but its all in german and i cant read german..so reading summaries of movies and episodes arent good since i cant read it.

i must admit to you guys that its hard going through life alone. but i guess there's no way around it.
lol work sucks, friendships have sucked too. but good news for that is, i got to talk to my cous and her girlfriend so that was fun. and talked to another friend.

wellity well, now what to talk about? does anyone even read this? lol
i spend a lot of time thinking about the past and how much better it could have been. now days im constantly worried how i will pay for bills like dental and glasses etc. idk.
would be nice to know that someone cares about me and could message me sometime. but it feels like im just typing to a wall, since nobody talks or anything.

ok what else to say..hmmm interests lets see.
ive really wanted to act in a play someday. you know? you can act and dance and sing if you wanted to. and what id like is giving personalities to characters. i honestly cant sing or dance, but i like to act. its weird though since i dont like people looking at me. lol me, like, they can look at a character that i am portraying but not me. idk im not very interesting i guess.

i wish i could get back into watching anime, but i havent been able to anymore. maybe just certain ones? im not into attack on titan or fairytale or most that other people are into. i dont like to follow trends i should say. im just basically me. idk about trends. i like what i like.

a lot of people have been into Harry Potter but  i couldnt ever get into it. i tried. i was given the first book as a gift when i was a kid but i didnt care for it. i wish i could though, its so farfetched to me like moaning myrtle? i think her name was. she haunts the woman's bathroom i guess.
idk i mean, id prefer HP over twilight. ew. dont get me started on twilight. vampires do not sparkle! eww.

well i cant think of anything else to talk about. my friend is going to watch  a movie with me tonight at her house, and i watch it at mine and we instant message about it. well shes probably waiting for me, so i guess ill go too.

fml

wow so you guys thought I died or something? I'm still here. i just dont write much anymore. not sure why. ah ok so anything new here? i guess im not with my ex dave/paddy anymore since he disappeared on me again. i was going through things too i know, but he knew the reasons. especially people with chronic pain like me. sometimes its hard not to yell at people..if that makes sense. every single thing irritates you when youre in pain all the time.

so i have no idea where he is or anything. he doesnt check whatsapp anymore, and couldnt find him on twitter so im just kind of there i guess. no idea.

a friend decided to be a cunt today so i blocked him on fb and on texting. i seriously hate fb but i was on for a minute. if i decide to ill post the screenshot of his haughty behavior. what an ass. bye boiiiiiii
so i blocked him. haha he didnt even want to be friends anymore and im like okay whatever.

if theres anything in life that ive learned is not everyone who comes in your life will be a true friend, and its obvious that i cant trust anyone so im keeping my mouth shut around them and observing. most of them i dont care if i ever talk to them again. paddy is different of course, i could always talk to him.

im still at my thankless shitty ass job. lol my work is being assholes again. and thankfully one old battle axe is leaving. shes retiring. but then that means the other battle axe will take her place. this is gonna suck.

so all in all, i really dont have a reason to keep going anymore. how sorrowful i am when i wake in the morning and going through the day. lol so this is life, huh?
theres nothing else in life really once you're older and.... uh...
you find out that you really don't enjoy things that you used to. or that might just be my constant depression bugging the hell out of me again, who knows.