Gmail and Youtube Help

so i wasted three days of my life trying to get help from Gmail and Youtube customer service.
their help pages are a fucking joke.
I called the support number and the fucking idiot "Ronnie" disconnected with me twice. ive never had such shitty customer service in all my life. and trust me, i used to work in it so i always had to kiss everyone's fucking ass!
gmail wont verify my fucking account is mine, and neither will youtube.
i cant talk to a real person at youtube help, and some mother fucker from customer service was a asshole to me and disconnected me twice.
all im trying to do is get into my god damn email account. why cant anyone help me?????
holy fuck! my blood pressure must be through the fucking roof!!!
if youre looking for any kind of customer service from either google, gmail or youtube, you might as well just say fuck it!!!!
im am very pissed the fuck off!!

grahhhh

so my ex is still gone and i dont care.
leave me then idc really
just wanted to throw that out there

Marapets

i joined marapets today. its okay. i played around on the site a little bit and its okay, but i dont see myself playing it daily like i do on Neopets.
so...idk if its very popular but see what happens i guess.
i played runescape it was okay. was boring bc Cinnia wasnt on there with me. shes my best friend if you didnt know. lol
well, what else do i want to talk about..

im pissy and in a bad mood.

but i made a couple new friends on twitter so im pretty happy about that.
lol
cash me ousside how you feel bow dah LOL
i saw her on youtube and shes pretty cool. danielle brigioli? i cant spell her name but shes funny :)

facebook

sometimes i really hate facebook. it makes me feel like everyone on there hates me in the art community. i cant upload any of my work without people being mean to me. i dont know why... i get horrible anxiety whenever i think of going on the site or app.
people live on fucking facebook i swear.
and sorry for swearing on Easter Sunday.
im really tired of ppl harassing me and bothering me so thats why i like twitter.

visited my mom

ok so i went and visited my mom today. i had to work this morning so by the time i got there, it was 1pm in the afternoon. i only had breakfast. so when i got there, my mom said they already ate and didnt have anything to give me to eat for lunch. so i went to my other grandma's and she gave me some dinner. it wasnt anything fancy it was beans on toast. and rice.
but it makes me wonder though. i see she got new cellphones for her and her husband (my stepdad)
and is leasing yet another new vehicle. i find that funny.

so when Janet gives me something to eat i appreciate it because it means i know i can eat dinner tonight. today i didnt work at the factory so i couldnt get anything to eat. i ate later with my grandma (my mom's mom)

i had a chocolate bunny from niagara chocolate and it was good. now my sugar is really high. so no more sweets for a while for me. i should of only had a bite or two but i ate almost half of it :x

well im gonna play around on Neopets then get on old school Runescape for a while. ciao

Runescape

im trying to download the old school runescape that i used to play at the public library when i was in highschool. not sure if ill like it or not. but ill see.
not sure if ill be able to get into my old name..but itll be fun to play and see where it goes.
i may just start over with a new name and a new pseudonym. idk.
does any of you guys play that game?  anyone out there?
idk if ill stick with it. i dont want to go back to imvu but maybe...eh it holds too many bad memories.
anyways im going to see how the download came out bc im using chrome.
ill report back if i feel like it.

Beauty & the Beast

I treated my grandma to the movies today. she hasnt gone in years and neither have I. we saw Beauty & the Beast because she wanted to see it. I really didn't at first but then I saw it and I really liked it.
I'm not one for romance movies but it was good. Very good.
I really liked Emma Watson who played as Belle. She was fantastic. And they did a super job of creating the beast. He was really cool.
I always wished that I could be Belle as a kid. I used to sing her songs and pretend I was Belle.If you haven't seen the movie you should. It was beautiful, the effects, the sound, image, everything.

My boyfriend came back.  Im happy about that. Although..it doesn't feel the same..
things became rough on his end with his ex I guess and he drank too much and all kinds of things..
Something doesn't feel right...
I really hope everything turns out okay..

actually I do

Actually I have more to say before I go to bed.
I'll be realistic with you guys.
True love doesn't exist. It only does in the lies fabricated by the media, and fairy tales.
Anyone who tells you that they love you and promises never to leave, it's a lie. It's very unrealistic and gives us unrealistic expectations of love and when they never work out, we become upset.
But if you have someone, and are married now, good for you. Glad to know that things worked out for you.
Because of  my exes, especially this last one, is the reason that I don't believe in love anymore.
I was hoping that I would log into my twitter or whatsapp and get a message from him explaining everything but nope. couldn't even get that.
I think that I was led on..maybe this was all planned right from the start.
I don't know.
but I do know is that..I should have seen this sooner. I should have figured that the ex would of came back to him right when I found out they had a kid together. Isn't that always the case? and I find it funny that she just became civil with him and claimed they won't fight for the sake of their kid. Then he tells me his dad told him he was stupid for leaving his ex. Then guess what? magically the next day he's gone and deleted his twitter and whatsapp.
So then there's me. Here I am..heartbroken and stupid for believing he actually meant what he said.
The next time anyone tells me they promise they won't leave, and promise they love me or care for me..I won't believe it.
Not a single person that has told me that has ever stayed. Why the hell would you make a promise like that to someone and get their hopes up? I will never know.

At this point I am considering deleting my twitter. The only reason I have it is to talk to a couple of people. And repost anxiety thoughts and so on. That's all I can do.
Unfortunately it may just be a sad reminder that he isn't coming back.
If this was a joke, it's not funny and I'm not laughing.
It isn't fun on there anymore.
What will I do now? getting on and hoping to get a message from you but never do?
Real funny.
You knew this would hurt me, but you did it anyways.
I'm broken and miserable..
Thanks a lot.
I hope you sleep well at night.
so for tonight's lesson; don't make unrealistic promises that you can't keep or have absolutely no intention of keeping.
Thanks.

Sincerely,

A shell of a person.

eh

I got sick at work due to lack of sleep and not enough to eat.
Janet brought me fish-sticks with gravy and green beans for dinner.
It's really different not hearing from my ex...
I wonder if hes even thinking of me..probably not.
Well, nothing really more to say.

Goodnight.

ernie's circus of shit

i saw under ernie's store this description. i think its funny. its the first smile i had all day. so you can read it too. i didn't make it up:
have you wandered aimlessly in the wasteland they call the city.don't waste your time in those other shops come here to Ernie's circus of bargains. a bargain in every buck a buck in every pocket a pocket in every trouser.those other stores have been reported to have problems with infestation, that's right big big tumors on those rats we have pictures to prove it and i don't even wanna look at them ugh.crazy Ernie's emporium of total bargain madness where you ride the Ferris wheel of savings.if you like cheap stuff you're in luck. you can buy baby wipes or a baby rattle a ring for your wife or a ping pong paddle. when there's trouble you know who to call crazy Ernie. from his tower he can see it all crazy Ernie. when there's villains on the attack, you can rest knowing hes got your back. and when the world world needs heroes on patrol crazy Ernie go. with his super powers he unites crazy Ernie. never met a villain that he liked crazy Ernie. he's got the bad guys on the run, he never stops till the job is done.and when the world is losing all control crazy Ernie go. you take the moon and you take the sun you take everything that seems like fun you stir it all up and when you're done radda radda radda radda radda radda so come on in feel free to do some looking stay a while cause...um Ernie is always selling.i love Ernie's chicken cluck cluck cluck you touch my chicken ill beat you up if he fries his chicken i gotta go if you ask me for a piece you're out the door (no handouts)barbecue sauce finger licking licking your lips gotta have Ernie's chicken with prices so good ill fight you for some chicken do the mike Tyson ill bite you for some chicken fry my chicken fillet my chicken grill my chicken you can bake my chicken Ernie knows how to rock that chicken in his kitchen tastes so crispy. i'm taking the chicken out Ernie's store don't really care how hungry you are i guess its the sweet aroma i'm taking the chicken out of Ernie's store. it started with an alien device and what it did it stuck itself upon his wrist the secrets that it hid now hes got super powers hes no ordinary kid he's crazy Ernie so if you see him you might be in for a great surprise hell turn into an alien before your very eyes hes crazy strong and super fast hes every shape and size hes crazy Ernie armed with super powers hes on the case fighting evil monsters from earth or space he will never stop till he makes them pay cause hes the baddest kid who ever saved the day crazy Ernie.aint you lucky you got em crazy Ernie's.love that chicken from crazy Ernie's.you wish your son would call you more i seance you've been here before i'll read your mind if i am able something tells me your names Mabel so welcome all ye to the tent of telepath... i mean crazy Ernie's and thanks for visiting little old me.

crying

i really wish that i could stop crying..
i was sick all day
im sick to my stomach, i have a headache, i feel miserable. my whole body is in pain.
why am i even typing this? you wont ever read it anyways.
fuck me i guess.
maybe i wasnt pretty enough to make you stay..
she was there and i am not.
i cant think about this anymore....

fuck love

"You knew that this would kill me,
But you carried on and on, with your selfish shit.
Everyone cared about you. Why couldn't you,

Damn right, I am still pissed.

Kiss my fist, taste the floor, tired of your games. goodbye." -Atreyu lyrics

im still hurt

those lyrics really speak to me

i know that im hurt. do you? or should i ask, do you care?

the only reason why i haven't left twitter now is because of the couple of real friends that i made, and that youre absolutely gone. but i hope that you will come back. i will keep my twitter in hopes you will return. but i doubt that you will.

you promised you werent like everyone else, but when in fact you were. 

i should of read our old conversations. it kills me inside that you just up and left me...

so did they.

and you did too.

arent you funny?

you read my messages. you didnt reply. i died inside. and because of you i now dont believe in love.

i hope youre happy wherever you are.

because its killing me inside.

my heart is broken.

great.

4-4-17 the day my heart died

headache, heartache, everything

well here I am again. I have a headache and things haven't been going so well.
my boyfriend  just disappeared with no explanation. not sure why. He ignored my messages on whatsapp and everything. I guess I really wasn't mean to be in his life... I bet he went back to his ex girlfriend like his dad wanted him to.
Wellity well, what should I do now? he promised that he would never leave but guess what? i was crying so hard that i really dont know what to do anymore...
as soon as i thought love really worked out for me guess what? best part is, he disappeared from twitter and whatsapp. everything.
i think he went back to his ex. he was too embarrassed to tell me. well guess what? he broke me.
i havent cried this hard in a really long time...
love sucks.
fuck love.

i was sick all day and didnt sleep a wink last night.
i bet he did.

so to deal with my heartbreak, ive been reposting sad quotes and stuff on twitter to help me deal with this shit. i hate love. fuck love. i hate it that he just left without a word...
its like i never mattered...
of course its going to hurt me, what the fuck do you think would happen??

im going to quote some lyrics to help me get out my pain and anger and sadness...

"Hope as left me fucking shattered
Someone's standing on my chest
Alone would be a pleasant change from here
How do you gauge loneliness?
Have you ever felt so alone?
It feels like the light will never reach me here
I am choking back my longing for shed tears
So strangulated by my lonesome fears
Please don't worry too much, it only hurts when I breathe
It only hurts when I breathe (when I breathe)
This only hurts every time I breathe." -Atreyu lyrics

 sadness...is all that i feel. i used to believe in love and i was so happy. and this is what you do to me